Ok, so you watched the season premiere of The Walking Dead, right? Did you see that crazy scene when Negan was about to force Rick to cut off Carl’s arm and he asked that guy, Simon, for a pen…and he had one!?
Who the fuck has a pen in the zombie apocalypse?! I can’t find a pen in the pen aisle at Staples.
If Negan asked me for a pen in that moment I’d be like, “Ok, wait a minute, hold on. Let me look.” Then the whole time he was crouched beside Rick, I’d be rummaging through my purse pulling all kinds of shit out—like a baby sock, a shower cap, an ticket stub from that time I saw Titanic with my college roommate, a spork, twenty balled up Hersey kiss wrappers, an old scratch off lottery ticket worth $1, an expired hotel key card, maybe even a few ketchup packets but definitely not a pen.
Eventually I’d be like, “How’s eyeliner? Will that work? Oh wait. Forget it. This one needs to be sharpened. Anyone have a pencil sharpener? I can totally fix this.” Then the story would have went in a completely different direction when Negan chopped his own arm off and beat himself to death with it out of utter frustration.
I guess it makes sense to grab a pen in those first moments when the world ends but major props to that guy for thinking of it. I imagine that when everything went to shit and his neighbors started eating each other’s faces, he was like: I saw this movie, I should totally grab a pen just in case I have to write an SOS message from the rooftop of a mall. Or some psychopath with a bat wrapped in barbwire asks me to draw a line on some kid’s arm so his dad can chop it off.
Wow, Walking Dead, I totally wasn’t expecting that last night. It’s obviously going to be a mind-blowing season. In fact, I bet Glenn’s not really dead. I wouldn’t be surprised if he showed up next week—with a stapler.
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