HOW A CHICKEN DRAWING WILL KEEP MY DAUGHTER FROM DATING DOUCHEBAGS

I was hoping my kid would be good at math. We need someone in this family who can calculate a tip without taking off her socks.

That dream is dead. I’m not one to brag (unless it’s about my perfectly arched eyebrows) but my baby is an artistic genius.

Don’t believe me? Check it out:

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Amazing right!? Here’s a closer look:

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See it? Yup! My 9-month old did that (actually, at the time she was 8-months old—even more impressive).

Be honest. Did you think she drew the chicken? I did. How could I not? My husband handed me this paper and said, “Look what Alex drew in daycare today.” I almost fell over. Then he told me to squint and he tilted the paper into the light until the faint yellow scribbles popped out at me.

I picked her up and gave her a big kiss to which she replied with a loud, “ACK!” and tried to eat the paper.

It took me a few minutes to pry it out of her drool-drenched grip but I finally won and proudly displayed her artwork on our refrigerator. Not just because she’s my kid and even her poop impresses me (how can such a tiny person do that!?) but also because I know that in time it will do all of this and more for her:

It will remind her to never take herself too seriously—even when she’s almost 40 and a 12 year-old points out a gray hair…on her chin!

It will teach her to identify a douchebag no matter how many times he texts her the smiley face Emoji with the heart-shaped eyes.

It will encourage her to be fearless. (Unless it’s a spider, then it’s ok to run.)

It will help her stand up to peer pressure even when her friends try to convince her that drinking vodka will “make her boobs bigger.” (It won’t. Trust me.)

It will encourage her to fight for what she believes in, always do the right thing and never let ’em see her sweat… (hm, that last part might be from a deodorant commercial. But still good advice.)

So how do I know that a simple drawing of a chicken will do all that? Because I’ve read enough Deepak Chopra quotes on Instagram to know that good self-esteem is the key to success (and your own line of self-help books). And to me, it all starts the moment your baby scribbles a few barely visible yellow lines on a pencil drawing of a chicken. So as far as I’m concerned she’s a creative genius. Unless, of course, those scribbles are in permanent marker on my freshly painted walls—then she’s just a jerk.

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About Diana Davis

I’m a writer with a blog that will send my kids to therapy one day. Until then I invite you to laugh with me at their expense. Don't worry they love it. They're smiling already—or maybe that’s just gas.
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2 Responses to HOW A CHICKEN DRAWING WILL KEEP MY DAUGHTER FROM DATING DOUCHEBAGS

  1. Pingback: THE USELESS SHIT LIST (#247) | The Spew

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