This morning I woke up to a baby covered in shot who smiled big at me then punched me in the face. My heart melted as I gazed at her and thought, Wow, I love you more than…
- Haagan Daaz Peanut Butter and Chocolate Ice Cream
- Fighting with Verizon Wireless customer service
- Being hung over on the beach and shamelessly wolfing down a Taylor Ham, Egg and cheese sandwich.
- Wearing sweatpants that look like I stole them from a homeless guy.
- Calling pregnant women named Meg, Preg.
- My grandma’s meatballs (that sounds weird)
- Yelling at my husband for leaving his shoes in the hallway under the wheels of the stroller every damn day!
- Pronouncing Uranus, Your-anus
- And, Vince Vaughn
Some day, when she takes her first bite of Peanut Butter and Chocolate Ice Cream and has her first run-in with Verizon she’ll understand the true enormity of these statements.
Until then, Happy Mother’s Day everyone! Uranus is bigger than Earth.