Since I’m so grateful (and shocked) that you guys keep coming back to read my blog, I feel like I should give something back. And since it can’t be money because I don’t have any, and it can’t be Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups because, well, I ate them all, I’ve decided to give you something even more valuable — stupid, useless knowledge.

So periodically I will post a list of useless shit that won’t do anything for you other than give you something awesome to talk about during those weird moments of awkward silence when you’re stuck in a conversation with someone you don’t really like. What an amazing gift, right?

Anyway, here’s the first issue #243 (because #1 seems so daunting). Have an awesome, awkward weekend!


1 . The Babadook on Netflix! No, it’s not some Italian dude who eats all your meatballs and puts his feet on your dinner table. That’s a mamaluke. A Babadook is a scary-ass Boogyman that will live in your baby’s room for weeks after you watch this movie. (And, if you don’t have a baby it will set up shop in your closet. So don’t think you’re off the hook.)

2. Cucumber Day in Russia! Click here to see a bunch of old, Russian broads celebrating their affinity for giant pickles.

3. The best advice you’ll ever get. The only thing scarier than getting eaten by a shark is getting killed by a woman making a video about sharks while she’s driving.

4. Here’s a movie I wrote for Tina Fey and Amy Pohler. No I didn’t. But I really, really wish I did. So I’m going to pretend that I did until it’s true which will never happen because someone else already wrote it. Unless someone invents a time machine but then I’d go back and write something that’s more of a moneymaker like The Passion of the Christ—because, you know, Jesus sells.

5. Google Hangouts and their Hidden Animated Emojis! I will only communicate with the outside world via an animated dancing fox and chicken. Apparently, this has been around forever but in case you missed it (like I did) you can learn what the hell I’m talking about here. You’re welcome.

Every week I’ll call out one hilariously awesome writer that spewed something so I good I wish I wrote it. This week’s winner is Jill Pond at Totally Inappropriate Mom for her post about ass-crack hair. Check it out here: Long Hair In Your Ass Crack and Other Terrible Things.

Want to be The Spew‘s blogger of the week? Like me on Facebook and/or follow me on Twitter (see how I did that?) then I’ll like/follow you back so I can read your awesome posts every day. You can also send nominations to me herePlease note: While this title doesn’t come with anything of any real value, it does come with a warm and fuzzy feeling knowing that you’re amazing.

If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers

About Diana Davis

I’m a writer with a blog that will send my kids to therapy one day. Until then I invite you to laugh with me at their expense. Don't worry they love it. They're smiling already—or maybe that’s just gas.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to THE USELESS SHIT LIST (#243)

  1. Sean Murphy says:

    That lady better hope no bears come to her house saying it’s built where their woods used to be. Or she gonna get ate.


  2. Jill says:

    Oh my. You’re too kind, my sister! Thanks for the shout out!!! Those long hairs are a bitch to get outta your asscrack.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s