Why is it that when women lie about their age and their weight they always go younger and thinner? To me it makes more sense to go older and fatter. Because if I tell everyone that I’m 21 and weigh 105 pounds they’d nod their head then gossip about how terrible I look for my age. They might even assume that something horrible happened to me—like I was trapped in a cave with no water or anti-aging cream for three years. Or worse, they’d say, “see what drinking all that wine does to your skin and your ass?!”
But if I tell everyone that I’m 55 and weigh 205 pounds their jaw would drop and they’d be like, “NO WAY! You’re 55!? You…look… amazing! And you carry your weight so well!” Then when they ask me what my secret is I can hold up my glass and say, “lots of wine!” and we’d all laugh as I finish the bottle with no judgment.
See what I mean?
So ladies, the next time someone is crazy enough to ask you how old you are, add at least 10 to 15 years. Then offer up your weight and go 80 pounds heavier. Trust me. You’ll never look better.