I saw It Follows on Sunday. It’s that new horror movie on Netflix about a girl who is stalked by an evil, unknown supernatural entity. I spent an hour and 47 minutes thinking: Holy shit! What better way to meet my weight-loss goals then by getting an evil entity to chase me everywhere?
Sure it would be plotting some gruesome way for me to die but that would be a good thing because if I weren’t literally running for my life, I probably wouldn’t run at all. Instead, I’d just make room for him on the couch and we’d watch Netflix together. And then I’d be like: Hey Evil Entity, quit hogging all the popcorn! But instead, in the morning as I sip my coffee and think: Crap, I really should have gone for a run, he would show up in my kitchen with his I’m-gonna-kill-you, yellow-eyed demon face and I’d get my five-mile run in with no procrastinating and no negotiating with the fat Gods. In fact, I might even get some wall climbing in.
It would also save me tons of money on clothes because running for your life in heels and a dress is only cute when you’re drunk and trying to catch a train (at least that’s what I tell myself every weekday at 6). So I’d be forced to wear sweats and a sports bra every day and if anyone judged me I can be like: You’re soooo insensitive! You have no idea what it’s like to run from an evil, supernatural entity every day. Then I’d write a scathing status update and let the Internet destroy him or her via grammatically incorrect Facebook comment.
Anyway, the point is that It Follows is an awesome horror movie and an even more awesome fitness plan. Watch the trailer (and your back) now: