I’M NOT A MOMMY BLOGGER

I’m not a mommy blogger. Because if I were I would have to admit that I’m a mom and that it’s no longer acceptable for me to get wasted at happy hour, only to find myself still out at 4am trying to get a cop to arrest a bouncer who refuses to card me, right before I pass out face-first in a tub of lo mein because all I had for dinner were the olives in my drinks. At least not without getting dirty looks from other moms and a judgmental phone call from Child Protective Services. So you see, I’m not a mommy blogger.

I’m a writer who happens to have a blog and a baby (or two) and apparently a history of acting like a drunken ass in bars.

To prove this to myself, I submitted my blog to TMB (Top Mommy Blogs)—a database of the Internet’s smartest, funniest, most knowledgeable mommy bloggers. Surely, they would read my work and immediately reject me. Because, you know, I’m not a mommy blogger. Then I would write a witty blog post about it and pour myself a second helping of dinner.

It was perfect. So I clicked ‘send’ then checked my email every ten minutes for a scathing message from them. Two days later this happened.

unnamed

Crap. I’m a mommy blogger.

Not that this is a bad thing! (So mommy bloggers please don’t send me hate mail). In fact, I’m honored to be a part of such a talented group of awesome female writers. Plus, my self-worth depends on the approval of strangers and this is like hitting the mother lode (no pun intended).

There are hundreds of bloggers listed on this site. Right now I’m ranked #13 in the humor category. I’m not good at math but I know that #13 is not #1. So here’s the thing: Top Mommy Blogs won’t let me bribe you with chocolate or wine for votes. And the police won’t let me threaten you. So instead, I’m just going to beg you. If you like my blog PLEASE, PLEASE vote for me! It’s super easy. See that little “Top Mommy Blogs” icon in the side bar? All you have to do is click on it then send me a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Ok, the Reese’s part isn’t true, but the clicking part is. Just click that icon (preferably once a month) and click vote and you’re done.

With your help, I will become the #1 mommy blogger in the world (echo… echo… echo…)!!! (Even though I’m not a mommy blogger. So stop fucking saying that!)

So that’s it. Ok. Go ahead and click the this logo to vote. I’ll wait…

Did you do it yet?
How about now?
COME ON!

About Diana Davis

I’m a writer with a blog that will send my kids to therapy one day. Until then I invite you to laugh with me at their expense. Don't worry they love it. They're smiling already—or maybe that’s just gas.
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16 Responses to I’M NOT A MOMMY BLOGGER

  1. Mike Davis says:

    Great stuff. Love, Dad

    Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE DROID

    The Spew wrote:

    > a:hover { color: red; } a { text-decoration: none; color: #0088cc; } a.primaryactionlink:link, a.primaryactionlink:visited { background-color: #2585B2; color: #fff; } a.primaryactionlink:hover, a.primaryactionlink:active { background-color: #11729E !important; color: #fff !important; } /* @media only screen and (max-device-width: 480px) { .post { min-width: 700px !important; } } */ WordPress.com Diana Davis posted: “I’m not a mommy blogger. Because if I were I would have to admit that I’m a mom and that it’s no longer acceptable for me to get wasted at happy hour, only to find myself still out at 4am trying to get a cop to arrest a bouncer who refuses to card me, rig”

    Like

  2. askyermom says:

    Save your drinking, hon!! You have a lot of years to go and you’ll be glad you conserved that liver!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sheryl says:

    Congrats I voted for you at least twice. I don’t know what happened, but I know for sure you got at least 1 vote from me.
    Trade them olives for Reeses:)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Melissa Elkins says:

    “my self-worth depends on the approval of strangers and this is like hitting the mother lode” AMEN

    Liked by 1 person

  5. ManicMom says:

    Congratulations! From another mommy blogger who’s not.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. ManicMom says:

    Congrats! From another Mommy Blogger who’s not.

    Like

  7. FUNNY stuff. you hit the chart running. Consider me a follower of your NOT mommy blog!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Diana Davis says:

    Reblogged this on The Spew and commented:

    Remember this post, when I swore I wasn’t a mommy blogger but begged for you to vote for me so I could be the #1 mommy blogger in the world? Well, it’s happening again. So please, if you like The Spew, vote for me so I can be #1 at something other than bitching at my husband.

    Like

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