I’m not a mommy blogger. Because if I were I would have to admit that I’m a mom and that it’s no longer acceptable for me to get wasted at happy hour, only to find myself still out at 4am trying to get a cop to arrest a bouncer who refuses to card me, right before I pass out face-first in a tub of lo mein because all I had for dinner were the olives in my drinks. At least not without getting dirty looks from other moms and a judgmental phone call from Child Protective Services. So you see, I’m not a mommy blogger.
I’m a writer who happens to have a blog and a baby (or two) and apparently a history of acting like a drunken ass in bars.
To prove this to myself, I submitted my blog to TMB (Top Mommy Blogs)—a database of the Internet’s smartest, funniest, most knowledgeable mommy bloggers. Surely, they would read my work and immediately reject me. Because, you know, I’m not a mommy blogger. Then I would write a witty blog post about it and pour myself a second helping of dinner.
It was perfect. So I clicked ‘send’ then checked my email every ten minutes for a scathing message from them. Two days later this happened.
Crap. I’m a mommy blogger.
Not that this is a bad thing! (So mommy bloggers please don’t send me hate mail). In fact, I’m honored to be a part of such a talented group of awesome female writers. Plus, my self-worth depends on the approval of strangers and this is like hitting the mother lode (no pun intended).
There are hundreds of bloggers listed on this site. Right now I’m ranked #13 in the humor category. I’m not good at math but I know that #13 is not #1. So here’s the thing: Top Mommy Blogs won’t let me bribe you with chocolate or wine for votes. And the police won’t let me threaten you. So instead, I’m just going to beg you. If you like my blog PLEASE, PLEASE vote for me! It’s super easy. See that little “Top Mommy Blogs” icon in the side bar? All you have to do is click on it then send me a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Ok, the Reese’s part isn’t true, but the clicking part is. Just click that icon (preferably once a month) and click vote and you’re done.
With your help, I will become the #1 mommy blogger in the world (echo… echo… echo…)!!! (Even though I’m not a mommy blogger. So stop fucking saying that!)
So that’s it. Ok. Go ahead and click the this logo to vote. I’ll wait…
Did you do it yet?
How about now?