Am I the only one who hates soup spoons? It’s as if they were created solely to encourage really loud and annoying slurping. And, the only thing worse than slurping is open-mouth chewing—punishable by hours of behind the back whispering and an angry blog post titled, “For The Love Of The Lord, Stop With The Open-Mouth Chewing!” accompanied by an unflattering photo of the chewer enjoying some creamed corn.

Of course, it would go viral because everyone hates open-mouth chewers—even open-mouth chewers. Then that person would feel really self-conscious at eating events like Thanksgiving and Christmas and be super careful not to chew with their mouth open. And ultimately they’d be a better, more well-mannered person for it. So that’s nice.

Anyway, I hate soup spoons.

On that note, here’s today’s USELESS SHIT LIST…

1.) Holy crap! Check out this video of Robbie Maddison, the smartest surfer alive. Because let’s be honest, it’s way easier to escape from a shark on a motorcycle than it is on a giant seal-shaped board. To all you other surfers out there: Duh.

2.) Tom recently pointed out that I can’t stop buying pickles. Of course, I assumed he was just exaggerating. You know, like when he says, “My god! I can’t believe you ate that whole bag?!”

But then he opened the fridge.

What the fuck is wrong with me!?

3.) Speaking of penises (weren’t we?)… I came across this very anxiety provoking game on the Internet.

4.) Yesterday, I found this 1940s ad and my heart melted as I reminisced about my grandma who would take me to the doctor, exhale smoke in his face and say, “If that’s true, then how come I don’t have asthma?”

Man, I really long for those saturated fat, smoky, gluten-filled, days…


5.) Back to soup spoons. Seriously, how do you feel about them?


This week’s shout out goes to Ashley Alteman at Smashley Ashley for this awesome story about how she and her daughter Barb Marley (love it!) helped a homeless man. Thanks for making the world a better place Smashley!

(I wonder if he wants some soup spoons? I’ve got a bunch I’m not using.)

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About Diana Davis

I’m a writer with a blog that will send my kids to therapy one day. Until then I invite you to laugh with me at their expense. Don't worry they love it. They're smiling already—or maybe that’s just gas.
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5 Responses to THE USELESS SHIT LIST (#246)

  1. askyermom says:

    I see nothing at all wrong with the pickle collection. They are all different. Maybe you need another fridge for pickles only?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mary Wingate says:

    Your fridge looks just like mine. I also have numerous pickles. Don’t ask me how many kinds of mustard I have… That may be where the difference is!! I’m a mustard hoarder……

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sheryl says:

    Salad forks are right up there with soup spoons but I’m elegant enough. I just grab whatever and use it and try not to fill up on the rolls & salad.
    Another annoying noise is someone sucking the last of thier drink through a straw. Or blowing bubbles in thier milk.

    Liked by 1 person

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