Am I the only one who hates soup spoons? It’s as if they were created solely to encourage really loud and annoying slurping. And, the only thing worse than slurping is open-mouth chewing—punishable by hours of behind the back whispering and an angry blog post titled, “For The Love Of The Lord, Stop With The Open-Mouth Chewing!” accompanied by an unflattering photo of the chewer enjoying some creamed corn.
Of course, it would go viral because everyone hates open-mouth chewers—even open-mouth chewers. Then that person would feel really self-conscious at eating events like Thanksgiving and Christmas and be super careful not to chew with their mouth open. And ultimately they’d be a better, more well-mannered person for it. So that’s nice.
Anyway, I hate soup spoons.
On that note, here’s today’s USELESS SHIT LIST…
1.) Holy crap! Check out this video of Robbie Maddison, the smartest surfer alive. Because let’s be honest, it’s way easier to escape from a shark on a motorcycle than it is on a giant seal-shaped board. To all you other surfers out there: Duh.
2.) Tom recently pointed out that I can’t stop buying pickles. Of course, I assumed he was just exaggerating. You know, like when he says, “My god! I can’t believe you ate that whole bag?!”
But then he opened the fridge.
3.) Speaking of penises (weren’t we?)… I came across this very anxiety provoking game on the Internet.
4.) Yesterday, I found this 1940s ad and my heart melted as I reminisced about my grandma who would take me to the doctor, exhale smoke in his face and say, “If that’s true, then how come I don’t have asthma?”
Man, I really long for those saturated fat, smoky, gluten-filled, days…
5.) Back to soup spoons. Seriously, how do you feel about them?
And now, THE BLOGGER OF THE WEEK…
This week’s shout out goes to Ashley Alteman at Smashley Ashley for this awesome story about how she and her daughter Barb Marley (love it!) helped a homeless man. Thanks for making the world a better place Smashley!
(I wonder if he wants some soup spoons? I’ve got a bunch I’m not using.)
Want to be The Spew‘s blogger of the week? Like me on Facebook and/or follow me on Twitter (see how I did that?) then I’ll like/follow you back so I can read your awesome posts every day. You can also send nominations to me here. Please note: While this title doesn’t come with anything of any real value, it does come with a warm and fuzzy feeling knowing that you’re amazing.