Maybe it’s the Sudafed talking (more on that in a minute) but why the fuck are we relying on a European model to tell us where the hurricane is headed? They don’t even get hurricanes in Europe!


On that stupid note, here’s today’s Useless Shit List.

1. So…Sudafed. My baby Elvirus (as my mother calls her) got me sick again so I’ve been hopped up on this stuff for three days now. So far, I pulled my pants up before I was done pee’ing (twice), got into an argument with my 13-month old about Cheeze-its and pulled a muscle in my groin laughing at the thought of European models predicting weather. This stuff is awesome! Get $1 off yours today!

2. This dentist’s waiting room! I’m so glad this guy isn’t a proctologist. You should be too.

3. Then there’s this poor guy! I bet he’s familiar with another common word in the English language: Virgin.

4. Scientists have discovered something called a sofa shark. Read about it here. I gotta say, there’s something really awesome about chilling on the couch with a shark. I wonder if he’d let me watch Jaws. Probably not. He’d probably be like, “That’s totally insensitive to sharks” or some lame shit like that. Ug. I hate sofa sharks.


5. Speaking of being insensitive… I’m probably going to get hate mail for this but I watched this entire PETA video that calls out all of the horrifying things that McDonald’s does to their chickens, and all I could think was: Holy Shit! McDonald’s uses real chicken?!

(You can send hate mail to And, in an effort to save my soul, you can save the chickens here.)

This week’s shoutout goes to Joe Kelly for this really fun collection of poems titled, “The Octopus Barber.” I love it! And, that’s saying a lot considering I’m a huge octopussyGet your copy today!

Want to be The Spew‘s Blogger, Artist, Author or Awesome Person of the Week? Like me on Facebook and/or follow me on Twitter (see how I did that?) then I’ll like/follow you back so I can read your awesome posts every day. You can also send nominations to me here. Please note: While this title doesn’t come with anything of any real value, it does come with a warm and fuzzy feeling knowing that you’re amazing.

About Diana Davis

I’m a writer with a blog that will send my kids to therapy one day. Until then I invite you to laugh with me at their expense. Don't worry they love it. They're smiling already—or maybe that’s just gas.
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5 Responses to THE USELESS SHIT LIST (#248)

  1. janetlanzi says:

    Ver is ze hurricane now? I need to know! Hahahahaha. Love the sofa shark. Perhaps it washed up with Joaquin! Love this one, Diana. Very funny!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. myfancynotebook says:

    HAHAHAH that waiting room is hilarious! xx Lita

    Liked by 1 person

  3. TRutford says:

    That waiting room would give me nightmares.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ronnie says:

    I feel like the shark would be more of a name dropper than a buzz kill. “I totally knew Bruce before he was big. I was the one that suggested he try out for this role.”

    Liked by 1 person

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