‘The Walking Dead,’ Season 7, Episode 1 Review (Kinda): Who’s got a pen?

Ok, so you watched the season premiere of The Walking Dead, right? Did you see that crazy scene when Negan was about to force Rick to cut off Carl’s arm and he asked that guy, Simon, for a pen…and he had one!?

Who the fuck has a pen in the zombie apocalypse?! I can’t find a pen in the pen aisle at Staples.

If Negan asked me for a pen in that moment I’d be like, “Ok, wait a minute, hold on. Let me look.” Then the whole time he was crouched beside Rick, I’d be rummaging through my purse pulling all kinds of shit out—like a baby sock, a shower cap, a ticket stub from that time I saw Titanic with my college roommate, a spork, twenty balled up Hersey kiss wrappers, an old scratch off lottery ticket worth $1, an expired hotel key card, maybe even a few ketchup packets but definitely not a pen.

Eventually I’d be like, “How’s eyeliner? Will that work? Oh wait. Forget it. This one needs to be sharpened. Anyone have a pencil sharpener? I can totally fix this.” Then the story would have went in a completely different direction when Negan chopped his own arm off and beat himself to death with it out of utter frustration.

I guess it makes sense to grab a pen in those first moments when the world ends but major props to that guy for thinking of it. I imagine that when everything went to shit and his neighbors started eating each other’s faces, he was like: I saw this movie, I should totally grab a pen just in case I have to write an SOS message from the rooftop of a mall. Or some psychopath with a bat wrapped in barbwire asks me to draw a line on some kid’s arm so his dad can chop it off.

Wow, Walking Dead, I totally wasn’t expecting that last night. It’s obviously going to be a mind-blowing season. In fact, I bet Glenn’s not really dead. I wouldn’t be surprised if he showed up next week—with a stapler.

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About Diana Davis

I’m a writer with a blog that will send my kids to therapy one day. Until then I invite you to laugh with me at their expense. Don't worry they love it. They're smiling already—or maybe that’s just gas.
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12 Responses to ‘The Walking Dead,’ Season 7, Episode 1 Review (Kinda): Who’s got a pen?

  1. The Rambler says:

    I’ve been waiting for you to post!!! I totally was like…wait…a pen? Really? Like did this guy apply for that job with Negan? He promised every time his name was called, he would whip that pen out.

    One more thing…Negan has the whitest nice set of teeth and it’s distracting. Does he have a dentist he found to keep on the do not kill list so his smile stays on point? Sigh, seriously needed to get that out.

    Oh glenn, I hope to God you have a damn good stapler and I’ll see you back soon!!!

    Like

  2. janetlanzi says:

    This is your Mom….you are a WRITER!!!! Get a pen! Loved this “review”!!!!

    Like

  3. lapski says:

    love it !!!! i have velcro, you can velcro it into your purse, and always find it !!!!! 🙂 let me help you !!!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. susan says:

    Wait, wait….let’s get something perfectly clear. That crazy-ass boy scout did not whip out a pen….it was a freaking Medium Point Black Sharpie!! He knew that a pen wouldn’t cut it (pun intended) — only a Sharpie would do….ink just doesn’t make a nice, neat, thick line on human skin. (Ask the whacko from “it takes the lotion….” — he’ll back me up on that one.) And boo-hoo, poor Glenn popped an eyeball and bit the dust. That guy was totally expendable. Okay, that’s my Spew. LOVED YOURS!! Your momma knows what she’s talk’in ’bout.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ali Monty says:

    My husband was screaming out “That’s not a pen, that’s a sharpie!” Who has either of those? I can barely find one in my purse.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Susan Kubo says:

    I mean “moms” – no possessive. Because I know your mom is reading these things…

    Liked by 1 person

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