Here are 5 things that made me want to feed myself to a walker on this week’s The Walking Dead.
1. TONY THE TIGER
It’s mind blowing how the same people who can make a decaying cannibalistic corpse eating someone’s intestines look like a clip from a National Geographic nature film can’t create a tiger that doesn’t look like a cartoon. I was waiting for it to hand Carol a bowl of cereal and say, “They’re grrrrrreat!”
2. THEY USED RICK’S SEXY VOICE AGAINST US
How many times last week did you turn the TV on and hear Rick say in his sexiest voice, “I’m not in charge anymore. Negan is.” That promo had me ready for another vomit inducing, brain-bashing episode.
I wanted to see Rick feed Carl to a horde of walkers. Or Negan feed Carl to a horde of walkers. Or Carl feed himself to a horde of walkers. Instead, all I got was a early 2000 CGI tiger and a pomegranate.
3. SPEAKING OF POMEGRANATES…
Who the hell wants to eat a pomegranate in the zombie apocalypse? Like a person who’s been living off of beans and Bisquick for six months has the energy to spend four hours digging out those annoying little seeds only to be left with this mess when they’re done. I think I see Glenn’s eye in there. No thanks.
4. CAROL’S HOUSE HUNTING BALLS
I want Carol to be my realtor.
Only she has the guts (pun intended) to walk up to some poor guy’s house…
bust in, stab him in the skull, bury him in the backyard…
make a fire…
then eat pomegranates with her new boyfriend.
Which takes us to the most shocking part of the episode…
5. THE BIG TWIST
The whole thing was just a commercial for Old Spice.