A Pubic Service Announcement 

I Windex’d my magnifying mirror this morning. From now on I will only interact with cataracts and glaucoma patients. 

I’m also putting back the layer of dust I removed and adding an extra layer to all of my mirrors. Then I’m overloading the electrical system in my house with high- powered electronics because imagine how hot I’d look if the lights were in a perpetual state of brownout? And if the house burns down, who cares! I look even better in fire light. 

If you’re in your 30s and have two babies who refuse to let you sleep or wash your face or drink a hot cup of coffee and occasionally force-feed you stale goldfish they find in the couch, and if you work full time in an industry filled with 20-somethings, I recommend that you do the same thing. 

And maybe even strap a fog machine to your back–it’s your best chance at achieving that fuzzy, soft glow Cybil Shepard always had in Moonlighting


All the twenty-somethings just said, “What’s a Cybil Shepard? Is that an app for dogs?” 

No, my young, fresh-faced friend, it’s not. And, I hate you.

—–
IF YOU LIKE THIS POST, DON’T FORGET TO SHARE IT AND VOTE FOR THE SPEW!

About Diana Davis

I’m a writer with a blog that will send my kids to therapy one day. Until then I invite you to laugh with me at their expense. Don't worry they love it. They're smiling already—or maybe that’s just gas.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to A Pubic Service Announcement 

  1. iglengel says:

    Love your fantastic sense of humor.
    Re your comment about Cybil Sheppard, I imagine I would get the same reaction were I to reference Jackie Gleason in “The Honeymooners” or Carroll O’Conner in “All in the Family.”
    Keep up the great writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. susan says:

    You brought a lot of laughs to my Sunday morning. Sunday mornings are SUPPOSED to be about reflection and repentance. So, thanks, Great. Now I’m going to hell. Love The Spew and your heathen self anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. lapski says:

    love it !!! and soon true 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s