MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

It took me like 30+ years, four years of marriage and two babies but I finally did it! I made Christmas cards. 

How exciting. 

So what do you think it will take for me to actually send them? 

Ok, that’s not entirely true. I did send them to half of the people on my list. The other half is sitting at the bottom of my work bag (along with a beautiful Father’s Day card I bought for Tom when I was pregnant with our first child). 

Now if I send them it will just be weird because they won’t get them until after Christmas and maybe even New Year’s and nobody wants a Christmas card (or a Father’s Day card) while they’re packing away their Elf on a Shelf. Plus, it will call attention to my Christmas-card incompetence. 

I wonder what those people whose addresses I asked for are thinking now that they didn’t get anything from me. 

I hope they weren’t waiting for gingerbread cookies or a mistletoe scented Yankee candle. That would have been really nice of me. Way nicer than what they were really going to get–a Target-made collage of my kids with Merry Christmas written in a very uninteresting font. And it would have been even more disappointing for the handful of Jewish people I had on my list.

Hm. 

I wonder what it will take for me to bake Christmas cookies? Probably, like my dead body, or something. Wait, that’s gross and doesn’t make any sense. Nobody wants cookies made from my dead body. Though, imagine how nice it would be if I came back from the dead to bake them! 

God, I’m so fucking sweet. 

For now you’ll have to settle for this cell phone picture of a Christmas card I didn’t send you. 

Merry Christmas!

About Diana Davis

I’m a writer with a blog that will send my kids to therapy one day. Until then I invite you to laugh with me at their expense. Don't worry they love it. They're smiling already—or maybe that’s just gas.
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13 Responses to MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

  1. Susan Kubo says:

    Merry Christmas you crazy kid.

    Like

  2. janetlanzi says:

    Ok, now I have an issue with this. I bought those damn cards, I picked them up on the busiest day in Target, delivered them to your door, and I even bought you two books of Christmas Stamps….all tolled that was upwards of $100!!! You damn well better mail those freakin’ cards and I don’t give-a-_ _ _ _ if people get them by the 4th of July!!!! SEND THEM GOD DAMN IT….oh, yeah and Merry Christmas my darling daughter. I love you! ❤ Mom

    Like

  3. Merry Christmas to you and to your beautiful family! 🙂

    Like

  4. iglengel says:

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year you crazy mixed-up blogger. But then, aren’t we all!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Mary Morrison says:

    Have so enjoyed your posts.  All best to you and your family for the New Year.

    From: The Spew To: memquinlan@yahoo.com Sent: Saturday, December 24, 2016 9:13 AM Subject: [New post] MERRY CHRISTMAS!  #yiv5079458077 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv5079458077 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv5079458077 a.yiv5079458077primaryactionlink:link, #yiv5079458077 a.yiv5079458077primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv5079458077 a.yiv5079458077primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv5079458077 a.yiv5079458077primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv5079458077 WordPress.com | Diana Davis posted: “It took me like 30+ years, four years of marriage and two babies but I finally did it! I made Christmas cards. How exciting. So what do you think it will take for me to actually send them? Ok, that’s not entirely true. I did send them” | |

    Like

  6. lapski says:

    OMG OMG OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! your mothers reply was the BEST !!!!!!!!! you better listen to her !!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR 🙂

    Like

  7. What do they look like? Post a pic, please!

    Sent from my iPhone

    Like

  8. lapski says:

    this is a good one, read what her mother wrote to her,  its janet,  my friend

    From: The Spew To: lapski@verizon.net Sent: Saturday, December 24, 2016 9:13 AM Subject: [New post] MERRY CHRISTMAS!  #yiv6232971883 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv6232971883 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv6232971883 a.yiv6232971883primaryactionlink:link, #yiv6232971883 a.yiv6232971883primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv6232971883 a.yiv6232971883primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv6232971883 a.yiv6232971883primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv6232971883 WordPress.com | Diana Davis posted: “It took me like 30+ years, four years of marriage and two babies but I finally did it! I made Christmas cards. How exciting. So what do you think it will take for me to actually send them? Ok, that’s not entirely true. I did send them” | |

    Liked by 1 person

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