It took me like 30+ years, four years of marriage and two babies but I finally did it! I made Christmas cards.
So what do you think it will take for me to actually send them?
Ok, that’s not entirely true. I did send them to half of the people on my list. The other half is sitting at the bottom of my work bag (along with a beautiful Father’s Day card I bought for Tom when I was pregnant with our first child).
Now if I send them it will just be weird because they won’t get them until after Christmas and maybe even New Year’s and nobody wants a Christmas card (or a Father’s Day card) while they’re packing away their Elf on a Shelf. Plus, it will call attention to my Christmas-card incompetence.
I wonder what those people whose addresses I asked for are thinking now that they didn’t get anything from me.
I hope they weren’t waiting for gingerbread cookies or a mistletoe scented Yankee candle. That would have been really nice of me. Way nicer than what they were really going to get–a Target-made collage of my kids with Merry Christmas written in a very uninteresting font. And it would have been even more disappointing for the handful of Jewish people I had on my list.
I wonder what it will take for me to bake Christmas cookies? Probably, like my dead body, or something. Wait, that’s gross and doesn’t make any sense. Nobody wants cookies made from my dead body. Though, imagine how nice it would be if I came back from the dead to bake them!
God, I’m so fucking sweet.
For now you’ll have to settle for this cell phone picture of a Christmas card I didn’t send you.