As you try to remember where you left your bra last night and start trying to redeem yourself by writing resolutions, remember that there’s nothing greater than the feeling of accomplishment.
So aim low. Really, really low and 2017 will be your best year yet.
If you need some inspiration, here’s a few of mine:
- Stop dieting and start wearing jeans that are two sizes too big. Someone’s bound to say, “Did you lose weight? Your pants look huge.”
- Stop buying wrinkle cream. Instead, look younger by hanging out with really, really old people.
- Don’t smoke. (If you’re like me and you don’t smoke, this is a no-brainer.)
- Don’t eat swiss cheese, meatloaf, truffles or anything else I hate.
- Don’t watch, play or participate in any type of sport whatsoever.
- Continually forget to fill the gas tank.
- Complain incessantly.
- Stay awake all night with two babies who refuse to sleep.
- And back on this list….Don’t get pregnant.
Get the gist? Great! Now get started. I’ll even give you your first one: Read and share The Spew as much as possible so that in 2017 it can reach 1,000,000 followers. (Don’t worry there’s only like 999,359 to go!)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!