Category Archives: random shit

Graffiti Dick

This morning I was stuck sitting on a train that didn’t budge for 15 minutes and while I would normally spend that time cursing out the train conductor and questioning all of my life decisions, instead I spent that time staring … Continue reading

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Do two-year olds go through cannibal phases?

Last night, I asked my two year old, Alex, what she ate for lunch and she said “Layla.” Admittedly, she probably spends way too many hours a week at daycare and I should definitely know what they’re feeding her for … Continue reading

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I just discovered Snapchat…

…so now all of my baby’s pictures will look like this. Is there such a thing as postpartum hysteria because I can’t stop laughing.

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Seriously, who let us get married?

Every relationship needs a yin and a yang, a salt and a pepper, an apple and an orange, a chocolate bar and a giant jar of peanut butter. It’s imperative that when one person screams, “There’s a murderous, meat-eating troll … Continue reading

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Chapter 1: My Childhood Summed Up Through a Bunch of Weird and Somewhat Offensive Shit I Was Told Before I was 12

This list consists mostly of things that my grandmother or my mother told me. But if you ask my mother she will vehemently deny it and if you ask my grandmother, you’re probably a medium and that’s really awesome, but … Continue reading

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I’M PART OF A NEW YORK TIMES BEST-SELLING BOOK SERIES

This is fun. I was asked to participate in a project called, A Letter To My Baby. It’s part of the fourth installment of the New York Times best-selling book series, A Letter To My…. Of course I jumped at the opportunity to immortalize my very best, most heart-felt motherly … Continue reading

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DOUCHEPASTE

We ran out of toothpaste this morning. So I rummaged through my cabinets and found some weird PBA-free, gluten-free, low carb, phosphate-free, vegan toothpaste that was in a swag bag from some douche-y celebrity event that Tom went to a few … Continue reading

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Getting Published Is Like Finding That Dorito With all the Cheese

Occasionally my posts get republished on other sites and it’s an awesome thrill for me for two reasons: 1.) It means that at least a few people are actually reading my blog and 2.) It means that someone likes it enough … Continue reading

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OF COURSE I WANT A BAG!

I’ve been on a health kick lately. Not like a no-Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup health kick or anything crazy like that. They sell them in bite-sized minis now so that would just be unfair to The Hershey Company if their … Continue reading

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DON’T EAT DORITOS WHILE BRUSHING YOUR TEETH

I wasn’t going to post today because as my husband says, “Nobody wants to hear from you every day. I sure don’t.” Point taken. But I need to address something very serious. Anyone who uses a blogging site is probably … Continue reading

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