Category Archives: Uncategorized

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happy 2017!  As you try to remember where you left your bra last night and start trying to redeem yourself by writing resolutions, remember that there’s nothing greater than the feeling of accomplishment. So aim low. Really, really low and 2017 … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

What’s wrong with my kids?

I’ve heard rumors that babies are in the best mood when they first wake up in the morning. And that upon hearing a soft, sweet cooing coming from the nursery, the parents of these babies walk in and are greeted … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

It took me like 30+ years, four years of marriage and two babies but I finally did it! I made Christmas cards.  How exciting.  So what do you think it will take for me to actually send them?  Ok, that’s … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

A Pubic Service Announcement 

I Windex’d my magnifying mirror this morning. From now on I will only interact with cataracts and glaucoma patients.  I’m also putting back the layer of dust I removed and adding an extra layer to all of my mirrors. Then I’m … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Girls

I have two daughters— a 2-year-old and a 5-month-old and although their names are Alexandra (Alex) and Charlotte (Charley) everyone insists on referring to them as “the girls.” While it’s a totally reasonable (and very accurate) description of them, no … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

THE USELESS SHIT LIST (#249)

This morning I looked down at my coffee and it was like, “You haven’t written a useless shit list in how long!? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?” So here it is…#249. If you hate it, blame Tim Horton. (Great coffee, by the way.) THE … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Walking Dead, Season 7, Episode 3 Review

Here’s this week’s list of things from The Walking Dead that made me want to feed myself to a walker. Who’s The Boss?!! This episode started with the opening credits to the 80s sitcom, “Who’s The Boss?” Were the writers … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

THE WALKING DEAD SEASON 7, EPISODE 2 REVIEW

Here are 5 things that made me want to feed myself to a walker on this week’s The Walking Dead. 1. TONY THE TIGER It’s mind blowing how the same people who can make a decaying cannibalistic corpse eating someone’s intestines … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments

I hate this scarecrow.

I told Tom the stick was supposed to go in the ground. He didn’t listen. Now we have the creepiest scarecrow on the block because he’s a stalker. A stalker with a stick up his ass. The worst kind. And, it’s … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

5 shades of coffee

I take my coffee beige. Not brown or ivory or that awful cadaver gray color you get when you use skim milk. And certainly not black—Jesus, who do I look like, Vin Diesel? I assume he takes his coffee black … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment