Here’s where I immortalize all of the funniest, craziest, dumbest shit I hear people say.
“I’m going to write a companion piece to your ‘I can’t stop talking’ blog called, ‘Shut the fuck up.'” -Tom (my husband)
“May I have your attention please? The 8:28 train to New York Penn Station will be 96 minutes late. Sorry for the inconvenience.” -NJ Transit announcer
“Where’s the ban on straight marriage?” -me
Me: Wow, my teeth look really white!
Tom: Yeah, the only thing whiter than your teeth are your legs.
“Get me in touch with Caitlyn’s boobie doctor. That guy’s a genius!” -Tom
Me: I think my teeth are moving.
Tom (my husband): They’re probably trying to get out. They can’t take your mouth anymore.
“What do you mean you don’t know how to open a banana? A fuckin’ monkey can do it!” -Tom Gleason
“I just assumed that since polo was played on horses, water polo obviously was played on sea horses!” – Christine P.
“You know buffalos don’t really have wings, right?” -A close friend to her buffalo wing-lovin’ boyfriend.
“I taught my daughter to only show her boobs for diamonds.” – My mother when she found out what happens at Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
“Can you come up with a new word for ‘is’? You know, something shorter and more to the point.” -someone from my past in a position of power. (That’s all I can say)
“Ladies, it’s a man’s mission to make us fat. Because when they’re not forcing us to eat pizza and wings, they’re trying to get us pregnant.”
“I can find anyone AND their mother.” -Carrie Nepa after successfully finding her friend’s mother’s house (without a cell phone or GPS!)
“Don’t turn that off! I love The Spice Girls.” -Tom (my husband)
“I wish your ‘crazy’ translated to boob size.” – Tom (my husband)
“I’m not saying anything. You exaggerate what I say. You take writer’s license with everything. You misquote me and you lie.” – My mom
“I got gas.” – My stepfather in response to everything.
“I laughed ’til I peed.” – What I want Sophia Petrillo to say about The Spew.
“A pew? The What?” – My grandmother from heaven
This is what my baby Alexandra said about The Spew’s Quote Wall…
Got a good quote for the Quote Wall? Send it to me here.