Tag Archives: cooking

Graffiti Dick

This morning I was stuck sitting on a train that didn’t budge for 15 minutes and while I would normally spend that time cursing out the train conductor and questioning all of my life decisions, instead I spent that time staring … Continue reading

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BrundleElmo

Alex went to a birthday party yesterday and an incredibly talented balloon artist made her this Elmo. One night in my house with my kids and Elmo looks like this… BrundleElmo. Only a true horror fan will get that reference. If … Continue reading

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What if God is a cod?

I’m a practicing “Bad Catholic.” That means the closest I come to going to mass is shouting, “Holy Shit! Learn how to drive, Jackass!” from my car window at churchgoers who don’t pay attention to traffic signals. I never know … Continue reading

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What’s wrong with my kids?

I’ve heard rumors that babies are in the best mood when they first wake up in the morning. And that upon hearing a soft, sweet cooing coming from the nursery, the parents of these babies walk in and are greeted … Continue reading

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MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

It took me like 30+ years, four years of marriage and two babies but I finally did it! I made Christmas cards.  How exciting.  So what do you think it will take for me to actually send them?  Ok, that’s … Continue reading

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The Girls

I have two daughters— a 2-year-old and a 5-month-old and although their names are Alexandra (Alex) and Charlotte (Charley) everyone insists on referring to them as “the girls.” While it’s a totally reasonable (and very accurate) description of them, no … Continue reading

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Marriage and Kids. Sometimes it’s not so bad.

This is more of a status update than a blog post but I need more than the 140 characters Twitter allows to truly give justice to this tender moment I shared with my husband and my two year old last … Continue reading

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Raw Pork. It’s what’s for dinner.

Lately I’ve been playing Chopped in my kitchen. It’s that show on the Food Network where they give the contestants a basket full of random shit like kumquats, cotton candy and a hundred year old egg (it’s a real thing) … Continue reading

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THE USELESS SHIT LIST (#247)

Why the hell do we ask if the “cat got your tongue?” What in god’s name were we doing to our cats to make them want to claw out our tongues? Or worse, what were we doing with our tongues … Continue reading

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Getting Published Is Like Finding That Dorito With all the Cheese

Occasionally my posts get republished on other sites and it’s an awesome thrill for me for two reasons: 1.) It means that at least a few people are actually reading my blog and 2.) It means that someone likes it enough … Continue reading

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