Tag Archives: fitness

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

I was cleaning out my closet when I discovered this… Don’t bother counting. There are 8. Plus this one makes 9. Then I started looking around my house and made a few other discoveries like this unnecessary amount of Earl … Continue reading

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I should have done this when I was 16

I used to watch 16 and Pregnant and be all judge-y like, “Oh my god! Those girls are so dumb. I’m so much smarter than them.” Then I was 39 and pregnant and suddenly I was like, “Oh my god! I … Continue reading

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Chapter 2: And That Was The First Time My Mother Stuffed My Bra With Socks

***If you’re like, what the fuck is this? Read these chapters first:  Introduction: I’m Writing a Blook. (But You Probably Think I’m Off To A Bad Start Since I Don’t Even Know How To Spell Book.) Chapter 1: My Childhood Summed … Continue reading

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Chapter 1: My Childhood Summed Up Through a Bunch of Weird and Somewhat Offensive Shit I Was Told Before I was 12

This list consists mostly of things that my grandmother or my mother told me. But if you ask my mother she will vehemently deny it and if you ask my grandmother, you’re probably a medium and that’s really awesome, but … Continue reading

Posted in apartment living, art, babies, books, exercise, family, fitness, food, friends, fun, good advice, health, hockey, Humor, labor, Love, mad, Marriage, mother, pregnancy, random rants, random shit, the slightly exaggerated story of my life, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I OWE MY BACHELOR’S DEGREE TO A TUXEDO CAT

They’re probably going to revoke my bachelor’s degree for this. But what the hell! Who needs a bachelor’s degree anyway? (That’s not a rhetorical question. After fifteen years in the work force, I’d really like to know.) I’m going tell … Continue reading

Posted in apartment living, art, babies, books, doritos, exercise, family, fitness, food, friends, fun, good advice, health, hockey, Humor, the slightly exaggerated story of my life, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

DOUCHEPASTE

We ran out of toothpaste this morning. So I rummaged through my cabinets and found some weird PBA-free, gluten-free, low carb, phosphate-free, vegan toothpaste that was in a swag bag from some douche-y celebrity event that Tom went to a few … Continue reading

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THE USELESS SHIT LIST (#247)

Why the hell do we ask if the “cat got your tongue?” What in god’s name were we doing to our cats to make them want to claw out our tongues? Or worse, what were we doing with our tongues … Continue reading

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THE USELESS SHIT LIST #245

I recently got into an unmarked car with a strange man who picked me up on the side of the road in one of New Jersey’s most notoriously dangerous cities. The police call this behavior unsafe and irresponsible. The general … Continue reading

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PLACE TO PROPOSE OR PLACE TO DROP THE BODY?

I thought Tom was going to propose at least two times before he actually did. The first time, he took me to Dublin. Not the most romantic European city but I wasn’t going to be picky. I had been dropping … Continue reading

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QUIT TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR VAG-ANUS

From the moment you discover you’re pregnant, moms everywhere crawl out of their Diaper Genies to tell you horror stories about mucus plugs and their traumatized vajays. And if they’re not telling you in person, they’re sending you articles with … Continue reading

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