Tag Archives: humor

The Spew Bib

Now your infant can tell the world she’s gonna spew (it’s the considerate thing to do) with the bib that will change your life forever (lies). You’ll be revered for your impeccable taste in bibware (your husband will think it’s … Continue reading

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panffle or wafcakes?

Yesterday I asked, “Has anyone seen Alex’s hair tie?” My father-in-law looked down, thought for a moment then pointed to something on the floor, “Do you mean this black ring?” A few minutes later he held up and Alex’s hair clip and … Continue reading

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I’m so excited I can eat my own brain.

You guys, you guys, you guys! It’s The Walking Dead premiere weekend! In case you’re new here, I’m completely obsessed with this show and the impending zombie apocalypse. In fact, every time I exhibit bad mom behavior (like forgetting to … Continue reading

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Ouch. 

I sprained my wrist. For days I had no idea how and I swear the memory loss was from sleep deprivation and not vodka (this time). I assumed it was from lugging around a 35 pound toddler and a 20 … Continue reading

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Women don’t belong in the kitchen. They belong at the bar.

I want to know the name of the very first woman who watched her husband leave for work then plopped down on the couch and said, “Women should go to work too!” Then I want to build a time machine … Continue reading

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The vajay is the way!

It’s working! Your votes pushed The Spew to #5 in the humor category on Top Mommy Blogs but it’s still not #1. So please keep voting and as a huge thank you I’ll leave you with this incredibly clever meme … Continue reading

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What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

I was cleaning out my closet when I discovered this… Don’t bother counting. There are 8. Plus this one makes 9. Then I started looking around my house and made a few other discoveries like this unnecessary amount of Earl … Continue reading

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Raw Pork. It’s what’s for dinner.

Lately I’ve been playing Chopped in my kitchen. It’s that show on the Food Network where they give the contestants a basket full of random shit like kumquats, cotton candy and a hundred year old egg (it’s a real thing) … Continue reading

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I should have done this when I was 16

I used to watch 16 and Pregnant and be all judge-y like, “Oh my god! Those girls are so dumb. I’m so much smarter than them.” Then I was 39 and pregnant and suddenly I was like, “Oh my god! I … Continue reading

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Seriously, who let us get married?

Every relationship needs a yin and a yang, a salt and a pepper, an apple and an orange, a chocolate bar and a giant jar of peanut butter. It’s imperative that when one person screams, “There’s a murderous, meat-eating troll … Continue reading

Posted in apartment living, art, babies, books, doritos, exercise, family, food, friends, fun, good advice, health, hockey, Love, mad, Marriage, mother, nipples, pink eye, pregnancy, random rants, random shit, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment