Tag Archives: Kids

BrundleElmo

Alex went to a birthday party yesterday and an incredibly talented balloon artist made her this Elmo. One night in my house with my kids and Elmo looks like this… BrundleElmo. Only a true horror fan will get that reference. If … Continue reading

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What if God is a cod?

I’m a practicing “Bad Catholic.” That means the closest I come to going to mass is shouting, “Holy Shit! Learn how to drive, Jackass!” from my car window at churchgoers who don’t pay attention to traffic signals. I never know … Continue reading

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What’s wrong with my kids?

I’ve heard rumors that babies are in the best mood when they first wake up in the morning. And that upon hearing a soft, sweet cooing coming from the nursery, the parents of these babies walk in and are greeted … Continue reading

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Ouch. 

I sprained my wrist. For days I had no idea how and I swear the memory loss was from sleep deprivation and not vodka (this time). I assumed it was from lugging around a 35 pound toddler and a 20 … Continue reading

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Women don’t belong in the kitchen. They belong at the bar.

I want to know the name of the very first woman who watched her husband leave for work then plopped down on the couch and said, “Women should go to work too!” Then I want to build a time machine … Continue reading

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Marriage and Kids. Sometimes it’s not so bad.

This is more of a status update than a blog post but I need more than the 140 characters Twitter allows to truly give justice to this tender moment I shared with my husband and my two year old last … Continue reading

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Raw Pork. It’s what’s for dinner.

Lately I’ve been playing Chopped in my kitchen. It’s that show on the Food Network where they give the contestants a basket full of random shit like kumquats, cotton candy and a hundred year old egg (it’s a real thing) … Continue reading

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I just discovered Snapchat…

…so now all of my baby’s pictures will look like this. Is there such a thing as postpartum hysteria because I can’t stop laughing.

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THE USELESS SHIT LIST (#248)

Maybe it’s the Sudafed talking (more on that in a minute) but why the fuck are we relying on a European model to tell us where the hurricane is headed? They don’t even get hurricanes in Europe! On that stupid … Continue reading

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JERRY THE BEAR

An amazing little startup company called, Sproutel asked me to write about their product Jerry the Bear. Without knowing anything about Jerry, I immediately jumped at the opportunity because—OH. MY. GOD! Is he like Ted?! Please say he’s like Ted! I … Continue reading

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