Tag Archives: marriage

BrundleElmo

Alex went to a birthday party yesterday and an incredibly talented balloon artist made her this Elmo. One night in my house with my kids and Elmo looks like this… BrundleElmo. Only a true horror fan will get that reference. If … Continue reading

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What if God is a cod?

I’m a practicing “Bad Catholic.” That means the closest I come to going to mass is shouting, “Holy Shit! Learn how to drive, Jackass!” from my car window at churchgoers who don’t pay attention to traffic signals. I never know … Continue reading

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The Spew Bib

Now your infant can tell the world she’s gonna spew (it’s the considerate thing to do) with the bib that will change your life forever (lies). You’ll be revered for your impeccable taste in bibware (your husband will think it’s … Continue reading

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What’s wrong with my kids?

I’ve heard rumors that babies are in the best mood when they first wake up in the morning. And that upon hearing a soft, sweet cooing coming from the nursery, the parents of these babies walk in and are greeted … Continue reading

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A Pubic Service Announcement 

I Windex’d my magnifying mirror this morning. From now on I will only interact with cataracts and glaucoma patients.  I’m also putting back the layer of dust I removed and adding an extra layer to all of my mirrors. Then I’m … Continue reading

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The Walking Dead, Season 7, Episode 3 Review

Here’s this week’s list of things from The Walking Dead that made me want to feed myself to a walker. Who’s The Boss?!! This episode started with the opening credits to the 80s sitcom, “Who’s The Boss?” Were the writers … Continue reading

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‘The Walking Dead,’ Season 7, Episode 1 Review (Kinda): Who’s got a pen?

Ok, so you watched the season premiere of The Walking Dead, right? Did you see that crazy scene when Negan was about to force Rick to cut off Carl’s arm and he asked that guy, Simon, for a pen…and he … Continue reading

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dick holes

Last night I was wearing Tom’s sweatpants because I didn’t want to risk spraining my other wrist (ouch) by jamming my postpartum ass into my own pants. I had them on for about 10 seconds when I suddenly noticed a … Continue reading

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Ouch. 

I sprained my wrist. For days I had no idea how and I swear the memory loss was from sleep deprivation and not vodka (this time). I assumed it was from lugging around a 35 pound toddler and a 20 … Continue reading

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What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

I was cleaning out my closet when I discovered this… Don’t bother counting. There are 8. Plus this one makes 9. Then I started looking around my house and made a few other discoveries like this unnecessary amount of Earl … Continue reading

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