Tag Archives: motherhood

dick holes

Last night I was wearing Tom’s sweatpants because I didn’t want to risk spraining my other wrist (ouch) by jamming my postpartum ass into my own pants. I had them on for about 10 seconds when I suddenly noticed a … Continue reading

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OF COURSE I WANT A BAG!

I’ve been on a health kick lately. Not like a no-Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup health kick or anything crazy like that. They sell them in bite-sized minis now so that would just be unfair to The Hershey Company if their … Continue reading

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RELAX LADIES…IT’S OK TO LOOK LIKE YOU JUST CRAWLED OUT OF A GRAVE

If you’re my mom (or that one person in Tajikistan that pops up on my stats page every day) then you’ve read all of my posts and have probably noticed that I’ve referenced The Walking Dead more than once. That’s … Continue reading

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YOU JUST GOT BLOGGED ABOUT BITCH!

Last night I had three minutes to catch the 6:10 home out of Penn Station and fight my way through the commuter apocalypse. (Yeah, those aren’t zombies Rick Grimes and the rest of The Walking Dead crew is brain bashing—they’re … Continue reading

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WHAT’D YOU POOP IN YOUR EYE?

This may be my last post. I have flesh-eating bacteria. Ok maybe I’m a bit of a hypochondriac. And maybe my mother was right when she assured me that I do not have all of the symptoms of prostate cancer. … Continue reading

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BABIES SUCK

I woke up the other morning to my teething six month old sucking on my neck. At first I thought it was the dog. Then the grogginess faded and I realized we don’t have a dog. I quickly pulled her … Continue reading

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