Tag Archives: music

Graffiti Dick

This morning I was stuck sitting on a train that didn’t budge for 15 minutes and while I would normally spend that time cursing out the train conductor and questioning all of my life decisions, instead I spent that time staring … Continue reading

Posted in random shit, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

BrundleElmo

Alex went to a birthday party yesterday and an incredibly talented balloon artist made her this Elmo. One night in my house with my kids and Elmo looks like this… BrundleElmo. Only a true horror fan will get that reference. If … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Mack N. Cheese

My 2 year-old Alexandra eats Kraft Macaroni and Cheese every single day of her life. Even if I offer her something else (like peanut butter cups and vodka) she’ll still drag herself across the floor and cry until I produce a plate of macaroni and cheese. … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

What if God is a cod?

I’m a practicing “Bad Catholic.” That means the closest I come to going to mass is shouting, “Holy Shit! Learn how to drive, Jackass!” from my car window at churchgoers who don’t pay attention to traffic signals. I never know … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happy 2017!  As you try to remember where you left your bra last night and start trying to redeem yourself by writing resolutions, remember that there’s nothing greater than the feeling of accomplishment. So aim low. Really, really low and 2017 … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

THE USELESS SHIT LIST (#249)

This morning I looked down at my coffee and it was like, “You haven’t written a useless shit list in how long!? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?” So here it is…#249. If you hate it, blame Tim Horton. (Great coffee, by the way.) THE … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

5 shades of coffee

I take my coffee beige. Not brown or ivory or that awful cadaver gray color you get when you use skim milk. And certainly not black—Jesus, who do I look like, Vin Diesel? I assume he takes his coffee black … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

panffle or wafcakes?

Yesterday I asked, “Has anyone seen Alex’s hair tie?” My father-in-law looked down, thought for a moment then pointed to something on the floor, “Do you mean this black ring?” A few minutes later he held up and Alex’s hair clip and … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

I’m so excited I can eat my own brain.

You guys, you guys, you guys! It’s The Walking Dead premiere weekend! In case you’re new here, I’m completely obsessed with this show and the impending zombie apocalypse. In fact, every time I exhibit bad mom behavior (like forgetting to … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

THE USELESS SHIT LIST (#244)

Happy Friday Bitches! Here’s this week’s list of useless shit that will make you moderately more interesting at parties. You’re welcome. 1. The Bubble Lizard. I want one. That’s not true. Lizards are just tiny dinosaurs and dinosaurs hate humans. I saw Jurassic Park. 2. … Continue reading

Posted in The Useless Shit List | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment