Tag Archives: relationships

I should have done this when I was 16

I used to watch 16 and Pregnant and be all judge-y like, “Oh my god! Those girls are so dumb. I’m so much smarter than them.” Then I was 39 and pregnant and suddenly I was like, “Oh my god! I … Continue reading

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Seriously, who let us get married?

Every relationship needs a yin and a yang, a salt and a pepper, an apple and an orange, a chocolate bar and a giant jar of peanut butter. It’s imperative that when one person screams, “There’s a murderous, meat-eating troll … Continue reading

Posted in apartment living, art, babies, books, doritos, exercise, family, food, friends, fun, good advice, health, hockey, Love, mad, Marriage, mother, nipples, pink eye, pregnancy, random rants, random shit, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Chapter 1: My Childhood Summed Up Through a Bunch of Weird and Somewhat Offensive Shit I Was Told Before I was 12

This list consists mostly of things that my grandmother or my mother told me. But if you ask my mother she will vehemently deny it and if you ask my grandmother, you’re probably a medium and that’s really awesome, but … Continue reading

Posted in apartment living, art, babies, books, exercise, family, fitness, food, friends, fun, good advice, health, hockey, Humor, labor, Love, mad, Marriage, mother, pregnancy, random rants, random shit, the slightly exaggerated story of my life, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I OWE MY BACHELOR’S DEGREE TO A TUXEDO CAT

They’re probably going to revoke my bachelor’s degree for this. But what the hell! Who needs a bachelor’s degree anyway? (That’s not a rhetorical question. After fifteen years in the work force, I’d really like to know.) I’m going tell … Continue reading

Posted in apartment living, art, babies, books, doritos, exercise, family, fitness, food, friends, fun, good advice, health, hockey, Humor, the slightly exaggerated story of my life, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

DOUCHEPASTE

We ran out of toothpaste this morning. So I rummaged through my cabinets and found some weird PBA-free, gluten-free, low carb, phosphate-free, vegan toothpaste that was in a swag bag from some douche-y celebrity event that Tom went to a few … Continue reading

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THE KARMA CLEANSE

I was at my mom’s last weekend when I found a shoebox filled with random crap from boyfriends past. As I was rummaging through it, I suddenly realized something very disturbing about myself—I’m a bitch. This news may not come … Continue reading

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STICK A PENCIL IN MY RETINA

I was looking through some old flash drives today and found this pitch letter I wrote to an editor of some magazine way back in February 2009. I figured I’d post it in honor of Way Back Wednesday (is that … Continue reading

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A LOVE STORY

Today I’m going to tell you a true story about love that happened to one of my single friends recently. Let’s call her “Sara” and him “Tex.” It goes like this: Sara met Tex while waiting for a taxi on … Continue reading

Posted in Love, Marriage, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments